let's be honest from chapter 2 Old Shitty Digit Himself

Let’s be honest, you and i. Just for once, a book that lies straight. Right from the start, right now, let me tell you a few things. i don’t like the corners of my pages turned down, if you’re too innumerate to remember a page number, get a bookmark. Secondly i’m not having you bend my cover to meet my back like some contortionist with more double joints than Mary Juana. And don’t leave me in the loo. However good your extractor fan, the airborne acids in methane gas eat paper like locusts. And all i need is the bog-roll running out and someone having to improvise. Lastly, i really don’t object to you taking me to bed, in fact there’s something rather nice about sharing that sort of privacy with you, but for goodness sake, if there’s any humping, sling me clear. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being rolled underneath a couple of sweaty bodies and ending up soaking up the wet patch. Talking of which.